i may or may not be watching the land before time
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
