Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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