Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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