Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
