I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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