I heard we made out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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