his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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