i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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