i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
