i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
