Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
