I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
