I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
