Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
