sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
