This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you repeat that, but with context?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
