Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
