I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
