you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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