The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the condom got lost in my hair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
