i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Im part way to drunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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