ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
