just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
