how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize