wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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