I wish I could teleport
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
