That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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