You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
