Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize