just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Let's paint friendship bongs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
