WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
