i don't like sucking hair
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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