I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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