Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
