walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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