Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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