The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
