Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
