Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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