i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
