Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
