i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
