Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
