I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
