If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
