Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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