Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
