I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
