she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm passing your future prison.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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