his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need moral support for this bender
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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