Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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