Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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