Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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