shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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