Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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