he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
