Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
