Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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