kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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