So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
