he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
